Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Decent dates but not sure what's next

Met up with the two 36 year ladies (one is divorced with a child and one never married before).  Met the formerly divorced lady at a bar, near her work, during happy hour.  Conversation flowed well right from the start.  Funny that one of the first things we said to each other was "you look better than your profile pictures".  Apparently, she too took the route of posting honest, accurate, and some potentially less flattering pictures for her profile.  Part of the reason for the good conversation flow is that we our shared background of being divorced recently.  The other reason is I think we somehow got comfortable fast with each other.  We chatted about lots of topics and "why online dating" was one of them.  She is using online dating because it is easy access and user-friendly medium that she can blend easily into her busy work and personal schedules.  I use it because it is access to large pool of people who share the same goal of dating someone and that's a huge plus when one is older and friends of friends are no longer single hence setups are harder (vs the younger years when friends of friends are single and looking).

I like her - looks and personality.  Not sure if it's a potential romantic match yet but I look forward to seeing her again.  The one thing that I was aware of before, during, and after the date was her child - can I handle adding another child into my life.  I didn't want to think about it as it's too early to think about that but it just simply wouldn't leave my mind.  Just have to tell myself, I'll need to decide this quickly if & when this gets serious and that I need to meet the kid before my mind wanders further on this topic.

Met up with the other lady for brunch over the weekend as that was only time she was free to meet up.  She is career driven lawyer who has accomplished much so far.  She too used online dating as it was best fit for her hectic work schedule.  She was very blunt in stating her situation - clocking is ticking and she wants to meet someone to marry, have a child or two, etc before it's too late.  After we chatted a while, it became clear to me she is operating on a more urgent timeline versus I was taking my time getting back into the dating scene.  I disclose to her that I plan to seeing a few people at the same time until I get serious with one of them.  She said she is OK with that but I didn't quite believe her as her body language indicated otherwise.  I will still stay in touch with her but I am less confident if this will work out but won't rule on it until I have more time chatting with her and seeing her.

After this date, it did make the situation with the first lady (with the child) more appealing as her time line and pace of these dates are more in line with mine and the fact she already has a child might be a plus to me as I'm unsure of how I can add another child into my life - something I need to figure out quickly.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Let the dates begin

I set up my account profiles and tried to be as honest as I can - particularly with my online profile pictures as that is the one area where it's a waste of time to mislead as the 1st face-face meeting will reveal the truth.  Nothing worst than to have the other person / date believe, at first sight, that you have misled them (appearance not matching enough with those online profile pictures).  I didn't spill my guts and put in everything onto my profile.  Put in enough for prospective dates to have a decent idea of who/what I am.  If there's a match, they can find out more via the online chats, emails and of course, face-to-face meeting.

I have been chatting online with 3 ladies and not rushing it.  I am taking the approach of I treat them like good friends first and go from there - that approach has less pressure or urgency on my part and therefore I can act more normal versus working too hard to impress when viewing them as dates.  Love to meet someone to date but also wouldn't mind getting some new friends via this online dating journey.  So far, it's the basic small talk, fact finding exchange, etc of where I live, what I do work-wise, what are my hobbies, etc.  My plan is to meet them at a bar during happy hour somewhere near their work place so that it's convenient for them and hope that venue is easy to part ways if somehow it turns out to be no connection at all.  Hope to meet at least one of them this week.

I picked these 3 ladies based on they have enough similarities with me.  I know opposites can attract but I'll start off with the ones who appear to be a personality match with me.  Their ages are 34, 36, and 36.  Two of them have never been married before and the other one was divorced and has a child.  I am not sure if I want to or able to take on another child into my life but I also didn't want to preclude myself from prospective dates based on their preferences that I have not yet fully internalized or know enough to have an informed decision.  I rather let the chats, dates, etc with them shape my decision on what I want or not want.  I hope to be decisive with these relationship so that I don't waste their time or my time if the connection is not there.

To my own surprise, I was not that focused on the looks - quite the stark contrast to my younger years.  That said though, the 3 ladies are attractive to me even though I picked them more based on my assumption of their personalities via the profile info and what their profile pictures seem to imply (I like easy-going laid back personalities; am too old to deal with hotties with high maintenance).  Hopefully, their personalities are what I assumed and I am what they presumed too.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Now, I can see why these online dating sites are relevant & attractive

While I spend research time clicking thru the various online dating sites (match.com, eharmony.com, etc.) to understand the offerings across these sites (from big to small), I tried my luck via the spots I'm familiar with - bars, supermarkets, parks, galleries, etc.  There were some lovely ladies at these spots during my eye candy search this past weekend.  Unfortunately, some looked married/engaged, dating someone already, or that I can't tell if they are single or not.  What is even more unfortunate is my cajones is not as big & bold as they were in my younger years.  Be it the years of marriage, out of shape from lack of exercise, or the lack of practice chatting it up with lovely ladies with the intent to date them, my confidence is just not up to par.  I am nervous and often don't know what to say and that is likely due to lack of confidence and fear of rejection.  Even if I muster up the bravado to chat up with a lovely lady, I often can't tell if they are single & looking or not - as the single ladies radar is apparent not working that well either.

With online dating sites, one doesn't have to guess if the people on the sites are looking to date someone or if one has to have, at the onset, the courage to chat up a lovely lady.  The selection pool is large and the segmentation/niche is extensive and relevant - such as there are ones tailored to divorced singles like myself.  The initial interface via online chats and emails offers a gradual warming up phase that is less pressure than a face to face blind date of sorts encounter.  Perfect for my pace to look around and warm up to someone.

Online sites, here I come.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Wow, certain areas of dating have changed alot

The big FOUR uh O is around the corner.  A few years ago, turning 40 is more zzzzzzzzzz than anything.  However, not so when it's after a divorce, split custody of the kids, and a long separation from that thing called exercise.  When you're happily married (I thought so till the divorce), have kids, bought a residence, stable job, and long enough leash to do guy things (watch sports, hang out with buddies at bars, go to casinos, mess around with the car,..), life was good, predictable, and EASY.  I've adjusted and am more accepting of the post-divorce life.  What's done is done and it's time to keep moving on.  One hurdle to that moving on was getting back into the dating scene and realizing "oh boy, dating and dating dynamics have changed a lot since getting married".

No surprise, the internet and social networks are among the biggest drivers to what has changed the dating scheme.  The rules of engagement got changed due to this use of technology.  But the biggest change is how many ways people now can find others to chat, be-friend, date, casual fling, etc..  Back in my dating years, there wasn't anything like twitter, facebook, and gazillion of on-line dating sites.  Instead of the "call me", now it's that plus text me, email me, tweet me, and the date details might be posted onto and discussed by others on facebook pages.

One area that has surprised and impressed me is the search results out of search engines - as far as breadth of dating niches being well represented on these various on-line dating sites.  I found a dating site with Asian women.  Then out of curiosity, looked at what else is there - looking at less common areas.  Found vegetarian singles, older men looking for younger women, and even stumbled on one for HIV positive people.  Guess there are lots of people looking at those dating niches else there wouldn't be that many sites catering to them.

While I try to catch up to this new tech stuff for meeting dates, I'll see if I have any dumb luck at the bars, supermarkets, etc. to see if there are ladies looking for a chubby cute Asian dude.  Oh yeah, I'll get to the gym one of these days soon - yeah, soon.